I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
