you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
