I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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