Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
