Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize