Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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