Just fell off a train. Bad.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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