i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
