Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
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