you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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