i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
