it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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