Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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