hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
