I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
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Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
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Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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