I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
