Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
