apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
