Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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