Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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