In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
