im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
