i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
