After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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