Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
