Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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