margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
