Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
