meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
