no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
