In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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