he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
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You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
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What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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