You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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