I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
