Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
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Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
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Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.