i can juggle bunnies
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
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That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
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I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO