And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE