one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!