my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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