it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
