Already got asked if we're dating
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
