Only a mothe r could love this liver
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I feel like a drive thru vagina
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
