If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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