but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
