i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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