You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
