Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
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just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
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I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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