A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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