So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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