I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
