I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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