I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
