i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
