Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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