just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
