needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
