Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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