break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
