then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
