i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
