the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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