guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
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Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
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Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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