I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
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He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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