Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
