watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
