She went from zero to smokin in five shots
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Randomize
