I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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