I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
