My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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