I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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