im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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