just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
