Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize