i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
My vagina just recognized that song.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
