Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
