My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
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