im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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