This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
