They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
