he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
