I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
