i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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