Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
